A Breakfast of Champions

I had been cooped up in my house the past few days and awoke this morning with an urge to be outside. I decided to go for a drive. I got in my car, opened my sun roof and windows, and pulled out of my driveway with my destination remaining unknown. I’d fallen victim to the crisp weather, music, and sunshine, causing me to get lost in the enjoyment of my drive.   I soon found myself on the outskirts of downtown, near Richmond and 59. I started to get a little upset with myself due to my lack of awareness, that is however until I noticed I was approaching a drive thru Shipley’s Donuts.   I was in high spirits once again. Three glazed donuts topped with pink icing and sprinkles has always been a positive mood-changer for me. I sat at the light devouring my first donut, and suddenly noticed a girl, around my age, standing right outside my window.  She was holding a Styrofoam cup in my face, indirectly asking for money.   She didn’t say a word, only gave me a smile which made her appear helpless.  Unable to speak, as my mouth was full of donut, I gave her a head-nod and began searching in my purse for a dollar. She smiled and said "thank you" in an angelic sounding voice that almost seemed too sweet and innocent. She pranced back to the corner as another car approached the light. An older man was in the driver’s seat.  He was awkwardly staring forward pretending not to notice the helpless girl, and was probably praying for the light to quickly change.  She went up to his window, just as she had done to me, and held the cup in his face. The man put his hands up and shook his head no. The sweet, almost little girl demeanor she had moments before morphed into an angry, pissed off woman.  Without hesitation she put the cup down, looked the man dead in the eyes, and forcefully held her middle finger in the middle of his window for about 5 seconds.  She then rolled her eyes and hastily turned around, returning to her spot on the curb. I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed.  I was laughing so hard I almost choked on my donut.  As I was consumed with laughter, I was unable to see that she was watching me, and didn’t find the situation quite as humorous as I did.  She was mad, and I apparently made things a little worse.  She stood up, looked right at me and yelled "I would have laughed at you shoving that damn donut in your mouth but I wanted your dollar!”  I was quickly put in my place. I laughed a little more, wiped the icing off my face, and pulled over in a nearby parking lot. I was fascinated by the manipulative games in which she played on those driving by and wanted to talk to her. 

I got out of my car and could immediately feel her cold stare.   She stood with one hand on her hip, sizing me up and down as I slowly crept towards her.  I said “Hi” and she loudly shouted back, "What the hell do you want?” I froze. This was not turning out the way I had planned.  Memories of previous warnings from friends and family to be careful while talking to homeless people came to mind and suddenly made perfect sense.  I felt I had no control of the situation and that made me nervous.  I didn’t want her to know she had startled me, so I tried my hardest to casually walk up to her and introduce myself.  With a friendly smile on my face I told her my name and a little about my blog.  No response.  I didn’t know what to do or say.   Unfortunately for me, whenever I’m at a loss for words, I start talking about anything and everything.  I’m still not sure what exactly I said, but it was along the lines of “I know you don’t know me and probably don’t like me very much after what just happened and probably think I’m crazy for coming to talk to you but I thought what you did to the man in the car was super funny and I think you are funny and if I were in your situation I would have done the exact same thing.”  I then told her I thought she was “cool”; a comment in which I will forever be mortified came out of my mouth.  I was a fast-talking, nervous, rambling wreck and she knew it.  My painful monologue must have evoked some sort of emotion within her because after a few more seconds of chilling stares she finally smiled and gave me the go ahead to sit next to her and talk. 

We started our conversation, and I was amazed with how open she was.  Her only request was that I don’t share her name.  She lives a life addicted to heroin and expressed her need to collect money each day in order to feed her habit. Her daily routine is as follows:  she wakes up, collects money, and gets her fix, only to wake up and do it all over again.  Addiction has been her way of life for over ten years, and has caused her to lose everyone she has ever cared about.  She said it’s impossible to care about someone or maintain any type of relationship when the sole focus of her mind is on a drug.   She believes that she will never be able to conquer her addiction.  It was sad to see such a savvy, street-smart, intelligent individual be completely content and accepting of her addiction and place in life.  Addict or not she’s a genuine, honest, real person; and it is in those qualities where her true self resides.  Hours quickly passed and it was time for me to leave.  I thanked her for her kindness and willingness to converse with a complete stranger.  She didn’t have to, especially after all that happened, but she did and I appreciated it.

I got in my car and noticed my last donut sitting on the passenger’s seat.  As I sat at the light I rolled down the window and handed her the remains of my cold, yet still delicious breakfast, along with a napkin just in case she were to enjoy it the way I had.  She took the donut from my hand while laughing, shook her head, and walked away.  Had I met her a few weeks ago, I probably would have allowed her heroin addiction stand in the way of actually getting to know her.  I am able to see changes within myself that might not have occurred if it wasn’t for the homeless, so to them I remain forever grateful. 

http://sabrinalloyd.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-life-changing-experiment.html